An Excerpt from "Mayo Clinic Book of Pregnancy and Baby's First Year"

Weaning from the breast. At this age, breastfeeding babies are usually very efficient. Because of their effective sucking and their mothers' easy let-down, these babies often don't take the time to snuggle and nurse. They are easily distracted during feeding times. Some mothers interpret these shorter, easily interrupted feeding times to mean that their babies are giving up nursing. However, these types of feedings are most likely just a part of a developmental stage. Most bbies at this age are so intent on practicing moving around the room that they aren't willing to settle down for anything else.

This SO explains what stage I am in right now with Jude (14 months)! I also weaned Penn at this age because it seemed to me that he would rather have been eating "on the run." Had I read this when Penn was still nursing, I probably would have continued nursing him through that stage. Don't get me wrong--I think I did well to nurse him for a year (13 months to be exact), but I know how beneficial it is to continue the nursing relationship for as long as possible.

I'm so thankful to have run across this book during our packing and moving. What seemed to me like clear signals that Jude was tiring of nursing, is most likely just a stage! I'm so glad because I don't think I was ready to stop nursing just yet.

I think Jude and I might not be the only beneficiaries of this little gem. Breastfeeding is something that isn't always the most "convenient" option, but you will never regret doing it as long as possible!

Mixed emotions

I'm fine today, but two days ago at this time I was literally in tears. Tomorrow I might be blissfully happy. Who knows these days??? This house selling/house buying process all at the same time is turning me into an emotional wreck. I'm nervous, anxious, excited, and everything in between.

I cannot bear the thought of leaving the house I brought my children home to. I mean, when I think of the sweet life we had here at this house, I will always remember that this is the place where Penn and Jude spent their baby days. Leaving our home is kind of like having to accept some strange rite of passage into another chapter of the book of our lives where are children actually grow up. So sad.

I'll always remember how I swept the kitchen floor in the hours before we went to the hospital to be induced with Penn. We celebrated the first year of his life in our backyard. How we sat in our bedroom the day I found out Penn was going to be a brother. I'll never forget the sound of Penn's feet running down the wood floors in the hallway in the middle of the night, trying to get oriented enough to find our room. Or how both boys would stand at the front door and watch their daddy get home from being gone a week.

That last thought makes me so glad. I am so grateful to be able to be with my husband again and not have to plan our lives around when he will be "in town." I want him to help me put them to bed at night, turn out the lights, and make sure the house is safe and secure. I want to grow into this new house, which we love. I want to live like a family again.

So, I realize that I'm sounding a little over-dramatic...whatever. I know people move every day, but that doesn't make it any easier for me. My hope is that when we actually get into the process of moving, I'll forget about all the sentiments and just be distracted by the task at hand, For now, I am left alone with my thoughts, which are bouncing around like a ping-pong game in my brain.

Any thoughts to help me cope?

Stressed to the MAX!

It doesn't feel like this roller coaster will ever end! Our house is sold, pending the inspection. We bought another house, pending Florence inspection and Richmond inspection...it's a double whammy! I am SO nervous that the buyers of our house are going to want us to do repairs that we can't pay for. I don't think anything's wrong, but you never know. Hopefully, they'll go through with it and we won't have to fix much.

On the other hand, I am so excited about our new house. Unfortunately, it's going to be about a month and a half until we close on it, so we have quite a long wait. We won't be in it until summer time so that means we will have to find a place to stay for that length of time. Will it be our parents' houses or a hotel suite for three or more weeks? Tough call--for real!

We'll I'll keep this short and sweet. Hopefully we'll know something about the inspection before the weekend so I can get some sleep again. Let's get this ball rolling!

House-hunting is...

...fun (not always), exciting (can be), frustrating (yep), headache inducing (uh-huh). I've spent the last two days looking at three-inch pictures of our possible future home and I've already had enough. Online house-hunting is for the birds...I'm done. We have emailed the realtor (about 15 times a day) and we've given her a list of some houses we are interested in. I assume that she'll have some houses up her sleeve as well and we've scheduled a trip to Richmond for this weekend so we can see some of these babies up close. I'm exhausted. I'm hoping she's got some good ones (in our price range) scheduled first thing in the morning so we can check em out, make an offer, and head home. Unfortunately, that may not be the case and we might be doing this again for another few weeks. We are so ready to be there. Together.

On the other hand...we are petrified!!! I lived away from home my first year in college and I did okay, but now that I have children, it's a whole different ball game. Pack and I are both scared that we'll get all moved in and Penn's gonna start crying for one of his grandmas. I keep telling myself (and Pack) that he's only two (almost three) and he'll adjust just like kids do all over the place. Families move. Kids survive. We'll only be a few hours away and we've already decided we'll be coming home to SC at least once a month for a while until we feel more at home.

Kids aside, I can't begin to explain how much I will miss my parents, my siblings, my entire extended family. I may not get to see them all very often, but it's somehow reassuring to know that they're close if I need them. We want to buy as huge a house as our budget will allow so we can just have everyone come up and stay with us whenever they want...or we want. I hope they will. Richmond is a great place to vacation guys, I promise!

Prayers, please...this is getting real.

Just a fraction of my heart I'll be leaving...

OFFER...YES!!!

So today we got our first offer on the house...and it was more than we were hoping to get, so THANK YOU, LORD!!! I have been avoiding this blog for a while now because I dreaded spreading that there was no news on our house. Well, this is definitely news and we are thrilled!

So, all day I've been thinking about God's perfect timing and I keep referring back to these same points that keep reminding me that we really are doing the right thing:

*Pack got this job about a month before we would have been TOTALLY broke from me not working. His new income pretty much makes up for my lost one.

*We are moving to Richmond, VA where we will be only a few hours away from home and Pack will still be based back in Florence making family more accessible.

*While waiting 7 months on our house to sell, we have been able to pay down some debt and get our finances under control so we're prepared for the higher cost of living while in VA.

*Our house gets a contract on it just two days after I take a walk alone around our beautiful neighborhood and tell God, "I'm okay just where I am." That's the first time I ever consciously told myself to STOP GRIPING about not being where I want to be and to be happy being where I am! I put on a good show for others, you know..."All in good time," but I didn't really mean it until this weekend.

*Pack gets a larger than normal bonus (thanks to his hard work), which we can use to help us with a down payment on our house.

God really has known what is best for us all along! And he keeps giving us the reassurances that we are doing the right thing. All day I keep saying, "This is not a coincidence!" When my faith is stretched and I have to step out and just trust that God will take care of us--he always does.

ps...Hopefully, my next post will be titled, "SOLD!" *prayers, please*

My first baby

Okay, so I know this is a long time coming, but I've been dreading sitting down to write this because I know that I've forgotten so much already! I'm going to do my best trying to remember how things went down and I'm going to vow that with my NEXT baby (in a few years), the first thing I will do when I get home from the hospital will be to document the birth.

Anyway....May 21, 2007

I had had a pretty non-eventful, textbook pregnancy with Penn. Things were actually going really well for me. Morning sickness was minimal and aside from the 50 pounds I gained and my hugely swollen legs and feet, I really felt great throughout my entire pregnancy. As I made it to the final weeks, I was progressing. I'm not sure how much and when but I was dilating about a centimeter a week from 37 weeks on.

On this particular check-up about three days from my due date, the doctor took one quick look (or grimace) at my "telephone poles (aka legs)" and swollen hands, and we were given the option head to the hospital to be induced as soon as a bed was available. At that point, I was three centimeters dilated and completely effaced, but I hadn't noticed any contractions. Pack and I both agreed to that (it was hard not to at that point), and immediately looked at each other thinking, "What the heck are we doing...we don't have a clue!"

There were no beds available at the hospital right then so we went home and waited on them to call us. I swept and nested like a mad woman! Finally, we got the call to be at the hospital at 7 to spend the night and try to "soften the cervix" before induction began at 6 the next morning. Holy cow! This is it!


I was so excited to get to the hospital! After getting our room, changing into a gown, answering dozens of questions, and getting the IV site ready (by far the worst part), I was ready to get some sleep. The doctor came in and inserted Cervidil to ripen my cervix. This part sucked. I was up all night feeling very uncomfortable and needing to constantly go to the bathroom. I was so happy to see five o'clock in the morning come!



May 22, 2007


I got up and put some make-up on and brushed my teeth and tried to look as good as I could for someone almost 10 months pregnant and in a hospital gown. The nurses came in right on time at 6 to begin the Pitocin drip. They also asked me if I was interested in having a doula present. Since I wanted to have a natural labor (as natural as induction gets), I said, "Yes!"

Roy (a female), the doula, came almost immediately/ She was a voice of reason and confidence when I needed it and I am so thankful that I was able to have her with me during my labor. As contractions got more and more intense after they broke my water at about 9 am, Roy constantly praised me and made me feel like I was handling labor like a champ. I really was enjoying the experience this far.


Also, my wonderful husband/coach was amazing. He was right by my side, scared out of his wits, but supporting me anyway! He was letting everyone know the updates and taking lots of pictures because he knew how important that was to me. When I think back to that day though, I picture him standing right beside the bed, head to head with me, telling me what a good job I was doing and asking how I was feeling. What a wonderful man!

I think the 10 o'clock hour is when things started getting rough for me. I kept setting 20 minute goals. I'll ask for the epidural in 20 minutes. Finally, Roy told me that if I thought I might want an epidural, it was not in my best interest to keep waiting because I may get to the point where they would let me have it and then I would be out of luck. This convinced me to go ahead and have it. By the time the nurses and anesthesiologists arrived to administer the medication, I was 5 or 6 centimeters (I think). Although I was terrified of having an epidural, it was no big deal and I was able to catch up on some rest that I hadn't gotten the previous night.


Roy still stayed with me, talking with my mom while I rested and labored. She would leave to go check the nurses' station and then come back to our room. At one point she came back a little excited and said, "Have they checked you recently?" I told her that it had been a couple of hours and at that point she suggested that I have a nurse check me again because the monitors at the nurses' station showed me having some pretty intense contrations that were right on top of one another. I really didn't feel any different, but they checked me anyway and by 12:30, I was at 10 centimeters. I thought Pack would faint!

What I never imagined was how quickly after those words come out their mouths that the room is transformed! My bed was being separated, the lights in the "baby area" were coming on, mirrors and lights were coming out of the walls, and they were trying to finagle my limp, fluid-filled legs into the stirrups without dragging me off the bed! I pushed several times before they went to go get the doctor. Meanwhile, A Baby Story is on in the background and everyone keeps getting a little side-tracked with HER delivery in between my contractions. The doctor arrived all gowned-up and ready to deliver a baby.

It is now about 1 o'clock in the afternoon. I push for so, so long, not having a clue what I was doing thanks to the epidural (doing it's job, I guess). The doctor says, "If I would have known you were going to take this long to get him out, I would have waited to come in!" Thanks, lady! Anyway, turns out, Penn is stuck and veering off the "traditional course," making it harder for me to get him out. Finally, after another hour and fifteen minutes, Penn was born squalling like a pterodactyl! It was 2:16 exactly when he was born.


The first thing I want is to hold my baby, but the doctor hands him off to a nurse who starts cleaning him up. My face in the background of his first pictures show me longing to hold him. I couldn't believe that I had just delivered that baby! As soon as I get him, I am amazed...AMAZED! What perfect little red lips, and beautiful, slick brown hair. My baby was THE most beautiful thing I had ever seen! After the finished delivering and "repairing" me, I was able to nurse Penn for the first time. He didn't really get it and as a matter of fact, didn't really start eating well until we were home from the hospital.


My doula, Roy had remembered the fifty millions times I had mentioned how bad I wanted a cold Diet Pepsi during the pushing phase and went and got me one to throw back as soon as the doctors had finished with me. It was obviously a shock to my system though because I instantly threw it up and very nearly threw up on my sweet little newborn. YIKES!

After two more nights in the hospital, we took our little baby boy home and kept falling in love. That was it...that one little day...eight hours...made me a mom and I am so thankful for that whole experience. When I remember Penn's birth, I actually get excited about doing it again! In fact, I was so excited about doing it again that I did...almost two years later, when my sweet Baby Jude was born, but I'll get to that another day:)


PS...Here's Penn's birth video for the experience in a nutshell:)

The things I hope I never forget

Penn:

• I love how you made me a MOM on the day you were born.
• I always wanted a snuggly baby...that's you!
• I love your interest in and tenderness with babies.
• It drives me crazy when you aren't happy to see me.
• I'm in love with your colorful personality, which is obviously a perfect mix of your Daddy and me:)
• I love reading to you and watching you look at the pictures, knowing that you know exactly what the story really means.
• I love to hear you tell me your "favorite part of the day" every night.
• I always feel horrible when I make you cry because you hardly ever REALLY cry and it truly breaks my heart!
• I love to hear you ask, "Are you happy, sad, or mad," when you know I'm probably mad.
• I hope I never forget your words for things: safe scissors, something special, peek-a-boo apples, juicy, hot-diggity-dogs, bock-bock, yippy-yay...
• I love it when you run up and give me a hug for no reason.
• I miss your curls and baby smell.
• I love how you try to protect your little brother, like when I fussed at him for playing in the puppy water and you ran up to me and said, "Be nice to my brudder, Mommy!"
• I love to watch you play pretend.
• Lately, it makes me laugh to see you do your skunk impersonation.
• I love how you can always make Jude laugh...I hate that you can also just as easily make him cry...
• I think it's adorable that you love bouncy balls so much and you can ALWAYS keep up with them!
• I am so frustrated that you are such a picky eater!
• I love that you always want an extra piece of candy for your Daddy.
• I wish I remembered the last time I nursed you and rocked you to sleep.

JUDE:

• I love that I was the first person to hold you when you were born.
• I love how your mommy is the only person in the world who can make you feel better sometimes.
• I love that you have hazel eyes like your Daddy.
• I love how you always wiggle your feet and rub them together.
• I love that you have dimples.
• It makes me sad that I know your baby days are coming to and end.
• I love to watch you clap when we sing, "If You're Happy and You Know It."
• I love that you are such an angel when I put you to bed every night!
• It bugs me when you won't let go of my legs when I'm putting on my make-up or trying to dry my hair.
• I love your toothy grin even though at one point during teething I was wishing you could be toothless forever--I take it back!
• I love that you always say "Ma-Ma" and that you make the sound by pressing your top teeth to your bottom lip. It looks like it should sound like "Va-Va"
• I love to see you smile when you hear your Daddy's voice on the phone.
• I love your laugh and how you suck in air really loudly when you smile really big. You also do this like a language back and forth with your Daddy.
• I can't wait to find out what your voice sounds like!
• I hate it when you bite me. I have three bites as we speak!
• Speaking of...it bugs me that you laugh when I try to fuss at you for biting!
• For a long time, I was disappointed you wouldn't take a paci...now I'm thankful!
• I'm amazed at the sheer volume of your voice when you want food or attention at a quicker pace that how you're getting it!
• I love your name...Jude Tillman...and I love that I thought of it myself!
• I wish I could keep you as a baby forever, but I'm thankful for the days to come...I'll only love you more!