A year and a half later...Jude's birth story.

We got pregnant with this sweet baby boy 13 months after Penn was born. We were thrilled...thrilled because Penn was such an easy baby (although that changed during toddlerhood), thrilled because we were having another boy (I would have been thrilled with a girl too), and thrilled that I was pregnant again (this would soon change).

I felt totally different this pregnancy. Every ache and pain was magnified because I was chasing a toddler. I didn't rest. I didn't eat enough (early on...later, I ate like a champ). My ribs hurt like mad. And I was too stubborn to ask for help when I needed it.

These complaints aside, I still loved being pregnant and did my best to make it look easy in front of people, although I realize now that I probably wasn't fooling anybody.

Toward the end of the pregnancy, the doctors became concerned that little ole me was going to give birth to a ten-pounder (like I said, I began to eat much better). We decided to schedule an induction for a week before my due date. This was a bittersweet decision. It was an easy choice in some ways because we could make arrangements for Penn more easily, and at that point, I was tired of being pregnant anyway...I was already dilated four centimeters and 75 % effaced (whatever that means...). On the other hand, I really, really wanted to experience the spontaneity of going into labor on my own and see when this baby would decide to come.

The pain won out and we showed up at the hospital early Friday, March 27, 2009, after dropping Penn off at "Mamaw's". I remember Pack and I argued on the way to the hospital, but I don't remember what about. We were both nervous as anything and a little heartbroken that Penn wouldn't be our baby anymore--and he didn't even have a clue. Mostly, we were anxious because we wanted to meet the newest little boy.

For the record, sitting on the hospital bed at 6 am, getting prepped for induction is surreal. It's crazy thinking, "In just a few hours, after a ton of pain, I won't be pregnant anymore." I'm willingly lying down and asking them to administer the pain for me. Weird.

Anyway...

Contractions started immediately, about 6:30. I liked the "pain" at first, probably because it wasn't really pain. It felt productive. I knew I was already a four, so it wouldn't be too long before it got worse.

During the labor, I got bored, so I did what any bored person would do in 2009, I facebook. What else could I do, right? Here's the play by play:
7:38 Getting restless sitting in the hospital bed and I've only been here an hour and a half!!!
8:46 Trying to resist the epidural, but Pack is freaking and wants me to get it asap.
*I finally got it about 9:30 after Pack begged and pleaded.

10:52 About to start pushing!!!
*I was instructed to "labor down" at about 11:00, which basically meant they wanted me to sit straight up in the bed to allow the baby to get way down in position. This was supposed to make everything move a lot more quickly without as much pushing...it worked
12:49 Has a new little boy...born at 12:01...he's perfect. I'll post with measurements later. *I promise I was not neglecting to spend time with my perfect boy so I could facebook. I had already gotten my first snuggles and nursing session and was getting ready to switch rooms while Baby Jude got checked out in the newborn nursery.
Jude really was perfect (APGAR score and everything). We noticed his super-long toes and the fact that at 9lbs, 1 oz and 22 inches, he was almost the EXACT same size Penn was at birth. He nursed like a champ from the get-go (and did so until he was 18 months old!!!!).

This labor was fast. Pushing took 15 minutes. We were in the hospital 36 hours before we went home (not staying longer was a mistake...read me MISTAKE). We spent the next few weeks forbidding Jude to grow up...he was going to be our baby forever.

It didn't work.

You can't convince the boy now that he's any younger than his brother. At 1 1/2, he's gotten more injuries than his brother has had in his whole life. We realize now he's not perfect...sometimes, he's bad. We are crazy in love with him still and he's growing at lightening speed!

Baby Jude, you came into the world quickly and pretty easily! We adored your babyhood and were so sad to see it go, bit by bit! As you grow (quicker than we'd like), our mission is that you will never be able to say that your mommy and daddy never kissed you enough, said, "I love you" enough, or neglected to tell you about God. You will always be our sweet boy and we are so thankful that God trusted us with your care. You make our life so sweet and we love you tons and tons!

Woe is me...

I can't think of much right now that is more stressful than meal time. I realize that I'm not the first person to have to cross this bridge and I'll probably think fondly upon these days when I'm having to deal with more "big boy issues," but I am at my wit's end! Between Jude's utter destruction of any element of neatness in my kitchen and Penn's finickiness (that's putting it lightly...), I wonder if we will ever emerge to a season of life that doesn't require begging, threatening, and baths during and immediately following meals.

Here's the scoop. Penn eats nothing (okay, very little). I've seen birds that have bigger appetites than this kid! The only time we don't have to argue with him about eating is when we're having breakfast foods, some form of chicken (plain), bologna, hot dogs, fruit, or sweets. Oh yeah...celery. This boy eats celery. You know all the foods that they say all kids eat--like mac and cheese, spaghetti, french fries, peas and beans??? Mr. Firstborn won't touch any of these unless you force them into his mouth and then be prepared for it to come back up. I was trying to lose weight so I decided to eat portions of food that I would give to the children. Unfortunately, I have discovered that I would not survive on what Penn eats. Seriously. And don't even think about taking this boy to a restaurant to "try something new." He's as stubborn as his momma and it isn't going to happen.

Jude, on the other hand, is my "good eater." He'll literally eat almost anything I put in front of him. Well, I take that back. He'll try to eat anything I put in front of him, but at least half of it will end up on the floor, on his head, the walls, in his diaper...you get it. Then when he's starving all the time and we're wondering how he could possibly be hungry again, you remember that he only was able to get half the meal you offered him into his mouth. Poor guy. I know you're thinking, "Can't you just help him out and spoon-feed him a little?" Nope. Not only is Jude my "good eater," he's also "Mr. Independent." He'd sooner starve than let you help him--with anything. Give him a spoon and it may as well be a piece of jewelry, nice, but not necessary. Fisting food is much more efficient to him.

Therefore, after meals, you will usually find me near my breaking point. Wanna help? Got advice for either of these scenarios? Let me know. I'll be the one under the table threatening Penn if he doesn't eat something, while vacuuming cous-cous with ketchup up my arm.

Is 27 still considered "mid-twenties?"

Tomorrow is my birthday and I thought I'd commemorate that event with a post, since I haven't done that too often lately.

When I take a look back at "my" last year, I'm amazed at all the changes. This time, last year, we had just found out that Pack got THE JOB. The one we had been waiting for to come around for over a year. The ball was finally rolling...we thought. Within a week: loan pre-approvals, meetings with realtors, sign in the front yard, chaos in the house. I was terrified of what was to come. Everything seemed to be moving so quickly during those first few weeks.

Then everything slowed to a snail's pace. Our house didn't sell. Pack was gone Mondays through Fridays most weeks. I felt like a single mom. Our house HAD to stay clean for any last minute showings and I had to be ready to go out the door with just a few minutes' notice. I couldn't and still can't do anything on a few minutes' notice with two babies...

Christmas came. I was thankful that we got to spend one last holiday in this little house that we loved. I missed my husband like crazy during the days he wasn't home. It felt like college all over again, but this time I was doing it as a single mom of two.

After the New Year's Holiday, my mom got sick. Real sick. We were afraid she'd die before going to a doctor. We made her go. A couple of week long hospital stays. A surgery. Months out of work. I was thankful, once again to still be in Florence to help take care of my mom (but if this ever gets back around to her, she should only think I was basically her chauffeur and lunch picker-upper). I still missed my husband.

In March, Jude turned one. Our baby...ONE! We celebrated his first year on Earth with an alien party and had a blast. I decide our house will probably never sell. It was okay...we liked it there.

May came and so did a surge of showings. By the end of the month, there was a contract on our house and I was having to plan a birthday party for my sweet firstborn while getting ready to move out. Penn celebrated his third birthday with a small dragon party at the park (which he requested), but none of us anticipated that he would end up with two swollen feet from ant bites, fever, and soaking wet from getting rained out of his party. May was a doozy!

In June, we became homeless. We lived with my parents for a little bit and in a hotel for a little bit longer (I still kind of hate hotels). I very nearly lost my mind. By the end of the month, we had two significant dates: the day we were SUPPOSED to close on our new house (which ended up as "the day I parked in front a Wachovia and cried because BOA is disorganized"), followed immediately by the day we actually closed on our new house and moved in! If May was a doozy, June was a whirlwind!

July was wonderful, but busy. We made several trips to SC for some commitments we made before we had a clue where we'd be. We went on our first mission trip as a married couple. July was still "limbo" for us. I felt like we were vacationing in Virginia, except I had to make up the beds, cook, and do all the dishes...sheesh!

August has felt right. I feel like I'm home. I miss my family in SC, but I know that by being here, I'm able to give myself up completely for this house full of boys.

This year has been a JOURNEY! I can look back and see God's perfect timing in every circumstance. I might not have been too thrilled with "HIS timing" during this process, but I'm ever-so-thankful for it now. Where would I be without you, God?
I can't imagine how my 27th year will end, but I hope it will be as exciting as 26!

An Excerpt from "Mayo Clinic Book of Pregnancy and Baby's First Year"

Weaning from the breast. At this age, breastfeeding babies are usually very efficient. Because of their effective sucking and their mothers' easy let-down, these babies often don't take the time to snuggle and nurse. They are easily distracted during feeding times. Some mothers interpret these shorter, easily interrupted feeding times to mean that their babies are giving up nursing. However, these types of feedings are most likely just a part of a developmental stage. Most bbies at this age are so intent on practicing moving around the room that they aren't willing to settle down for anything else.

This SO explains what stage I am in right now with Jude (14 months)! I also weaned Penn at this age because it seemed to me that he would rather have been eating "on the run." Had I read this when Penn was still nursing, I probably would have continued nursing him through that stage. Don't get me wrong--I think I did well to nurse him for a year (13 months to be exact), but I know how beneficial it is to continue the nursing relationship for as long as possible.

I'm so thankful to have run across this book during our packing and moving. What seemed to me like clear signals that Jude was tiring of nursing, is most likely just a stage! I'm so glad because I don't think I was ready to stop nursing just yet.

I think Jude and I might not be the only beneficiaries of this little gem. Breastfeeding is something that isn't always the most "convenient" option, but you will never regret doing it as long as possible!

The things I hope I never forget

Penn:

• I love how you made me a MOM on the day you were born.
• I always wanted a snuggly baby...that's you!
• I love your interest in and tenderness with babies.
• It drives me crazy when you aren't happy to see me.
• I'm in love with your colorful personality, which is obviously a perfect mix of your Daddy and me:)
• I love reading to you and watching you look at the pictures, knowing that you know exactly what the story really means.
• I love to hear you tell me your "favorite part of the day" every night.
• I always feel horrible when I make you cry because you hardly ever REALLY cry and it truly breaks my heart!
• I love to hear you ask, "Are you happy, sad, or mad," when you know I'm probably mad.
• I hope I never forget your words for things: safe scissors, something special, peek-a-boo apples, juicy, hot-diggity-dogs, bock-bock, yippy-yay...
• I love it when you run up and give me a hug for no reason.
• I miss your curls and baby smell.
• I love how you try to protect your little brother, like when I fussed at him for playing in the puppy water and you ran up to me and said, "Be nice to my brudder, Mommy!"
• I love to watch you play pretend.
• Lately, it makes me laugh to see you do your skunk impersonation.
• I love how you can always make Jude laugh...I hate that you can also just as easily make him cry...
• I think it's adorable that you love bouncy balls so much and you can ALWAYS keep up with them!
• I am so frustrated that you are such a picky eater!
• I love that you always want an extra piece of candy for your Daddy.
• I wish I remembered the last time I nursed you and rocked you to sleep.

JUDE:

• I love that I was the first person to hold you when you were born.
• I love how your mommy is the only person in the world who can make you feel better sometimes.
• I love that you have hazel eyes like your Daddy.
• I love how you always wiggle your feet and rub them together.
• I love that you have dimples.
• It makes me sad that I know your baby days are coming to and end.
• I love to watch you clap when we sing, "If You're Happy and You Know It."
• I love that you are such an angel when I put you to bed every night!
• It bugs me when you won't let go of my legs when I'm putting on my make-up or trying to dry my hair.
• I love your toothy grin even though at one point during teething I was wishing you could be toothless forever--I take it back!
• I love that you always say "Ma-Ma" and that you make the sound by pressing your top teeth to your bottom lip. It looks like it should sound like "Va-Va"
• I love to see you smile when you hear your Daddy's voice on the phone.
• I love your laugh and how you suck in air really loudly when you smile really big. You also do this like a language back and forth with your Daddy.
• I can't wait to find out what your voice sounds like!
• I hate it when you bite me. I have three bites as we speak!
• Speaking of...it bugs me that you laugh when I try to fuss at you for biting!
• For a long time, I was disappointed you wouldn't take a paci...now I'm thankful!
• I'm amazed at the sheer volume of your voice when you want food or attention at a quicker pace that how you're getting it!
• I love your name...Jude Tillman...and I love that I thought of it myself!
• I wish I could keep you as a baby forever, but I'm thankful for the days to come...I'll only love you more!

Selling Houses Stinks!!!

Pack and I are going crazy. We kind feel like we're in real estate Limbo. We have found several house/neighborhoods in Richmond/Chesterfield that we really like a lot, but we can't take any action because our house in Florence is still for sale. Any bites? Yes, a few "nibbles." Basically, we haven't had any serious lookers and we're starting to get really frustrated with this whole process. Pack has officially started his new job in VA and he's traveling there during the week, which puts me home alone with the kids. And let me make it clear that I am not cut out for single parenting...NOT FOR ME! I can't wait to have my family under one roof again!

Now that we've got that rant out of the way, let's move on from things we can't change...

Jude is getting SO BIG! I can't believe how much he's grown and he's catching on. He's waving and kissing and I'm enjoying his baby days sooo much! I remember with Penn being so excited and eager for him to crawl, walk, eat solids, you know...milestones, that I really didn't get to enjoy his baby-hood the way I'm trying to with Jude. I try to hold him a lot because I know he doesn't get held quite as much as Penn did (consequence of being the second child, I guess). Anyway, one day, I set him down on the rug and he flipped right over onto his belly, tucked his legs under his body, and started rocking back and forth on his chubby little thighs! He might have been doing that for a while, but Mommy didn't notice because I was too busy trying to keep him as my baby forever! Can I freeze frame him right here??? Even as young as Penn is, I miss the downy soft hair, non-smelly feet and breath, completely unscarred, unblemished skin, gummy grins...I could just eat him!!!

On the other hand, the starting solids phase has been a little rocky for us. I started letting him taste baby food at 4 months (just as I did with Penn). I was kind of hoping it would help him sleep better at night, but he didn't take to it well, so I waited a week and tried again. No luck. We did this little dance off and on until he was about five months, at which time, I started feeding him more regularly. Now he's six months old, and is just getting past apple sauce and rice cereal. I am constantly reminded of how different every baby is, but it's so hard not to compare.

I've also been having some anxiety over my breastfeeding experience. I started working as a long-term sub for a co-worker at DLC (just for six weeks, approximately), and I had built of up a nice little stash of frozen breastmilk that I had pumped off and on since Jude was a couple of months old. Well, my little monster tore through that "nice little stash" in a little over a week and even with me pumping twice during the workday (and it isn't easy to get out of my classroom and find a private spot for 15 minutes twice a day), I wasn't keeping up! At one point, I had to start pumping FOUR TIMES A DAY! I cannot even begin to express how much I hate pumping, so this only lasted three or four days before I came up with my solution. I still pump at work, but usually only once or maybe twice, and I'm sending formula to the babysitter to feed him when he drinks all his milk. This ends up being the equivalent to about six ounces of formula a day, but I feel like I'm digging myself a hole. I'm planning on nursing full time, once I'm home again in another couple of weeks, but I'm concerned that I might lose some of my supply. I'm hoping that just as my body adjusted to different feeding shedules with Penn, I'll also adjust flawlessly with Jude too (I know...comparing again!), but we'll have to see.

Now for my sweet Penn...oh how I love him! He's still as rotten as ever, and sometimes we see a little bully creep out of his personality, but this kid always amazes us! Just last week, we discovered he could count backwards from 1o and he knew his left from his right! Let me take this time to say he's got the best babysitter in the world who always reads to him, teaches him about nature, and has the most fun house ever! He always makes us laugh too! I think the phrase, "Kids say the darndest things," was written for our little Penn. He's addicted to bouncy balls, carries around a red cooler filled with balls and other toys, and loves to snuggle with his mommy and watch "Ant Bully."

I could go on for days about my sweet babies. I never imagined I could love two little people like this. A taste of God's love for us. I would give my life for these two precious boys and I can't wait to get to know them more.