The things I hope I never forget

Penn:

• I love how you made me a MOM on the day you were born.
• I always wanted a snuggly baby...that's you!
• I love your interest in and tenderness with babies.
• It drives me crazy when you aren't happy to see me.
• I'm in love with your colorful personality, which is obviously a perfect mix of your Daddy and me:)
• I love reading to you and watching you look at the pictures, knowing that you know exactly what the story really means.
• I love to hear you tell me your "favorite part of the day" every night.
• I always feel horrible when I make you cry because you hardly ever REALLY cry and it truly breaks my heart!
• I love to hear you ask, "Are you happy, sad, or mad," when you know I'm probably mad.
• I hope I never forget your words for things: safe scissors, something special, peek-a-boo apples, juicy, hot-diggity-dogs, bock-bock, yippy-yay...
• I love it when you run up and give me a hug for no reason.
• I miss your curls and baby smell.
• I love how you try to protect your little brother, like when I fussed at him for playing in the puppy water and you ran up to me and said, "Be nice to my brudder, Mommy!"
• I love to watch you play pretend.
• Lately, it makes me laugh to see you do your skunk impersonation.
• I love how you can always make Jude laugh...I hate that you can also just as easily make him cry...
• I think it's adorable that you love bouncy balls so much and you can ALWAYS keep up with them!
• I am so frustrated that you are such a picky eater!
• I love that you always want an extra piece of candy for your Daddy.
• I wish I remembered the last time I nursed you and rocked you to sleep.

JUDE:

• I love that I was the first person to hold you when you were born.
• I love how your mommy is the only person in the world who can make you feel better sometimes.
• I love that you have hazel eyes like your Daddy.
• I love how you always wiggle your feet and rub them together.
• I love that you have dimples.
• It makes me sad that I know your baby days are coming to and end.
• I love to watch you clap when we sing, "If You're Happy and You Know It."
• I love that you are such an angel when I put you to bed every night!
• It bugs me when you won't let go of my legs when I'm putting on my make-up or trying to dry my hair.
• I love your toothy grin even though at one point during teething I was wishing you could be toothless forever--I take it back!
• I love that you always say "Ma-Ma" and that you make the sound by pressing your top teeth to your bottom lip. It looks like it should sound like "Va-Va"
• I love to see you smile when you hear your Daddy's voice on the phone.
• I love your laugh and how you suck in air really loudly when you smile really big. You also do this like a language back and forth with your Daddy.
• I can't wait to find out what your voice sounds like!
• I hate it when you bite me. I have three bites as we speak!
• Speaking of...it bugs me that you laugh when I try to fuss at you for biting!
• For a long time, I was disappointed you wouldn't take a paci...now I'm thankful!
• I'm amazed at the sheer volume of your voice when you want food or attention at a quicker pace that how you're getting it!
• I love your name...Jude Tillman...and I love that I thought of it myself!
• I wish I could keep you as a baby forever, but I'm thankful for the days to come...I'll only love you more!

By George...

I think I've finally got this two-kid thing down! Life has eased up a bit on me lately and I'm soaking it up! Jude, my non-napper/sleeper, has finally conceded to taking two "scheduled" naps a day and Penn, as usual, is down for the count at almost exactly one-thirty every day. PRAISE THE LORD! That's the best thing that's happened in quite some time and I'm actually looking at getting some down-time every day again (aside from nighttime, where I will fall asleep as soon as I get in a semi-horizontal position).

So here's our recent family goings-on:

• Christmas
  

So sad it's gone, right? Seriously...you get your tree up and decorated, presents all nicely wrapped under it, and it just "smells" like Christmas. Then in no time at all, your house is destroyed, the tree comes down, and you wonder if you've always had this much empty space in your house. Oh yeah, except for the toys...the mounds and mounds of toys that, once opened, creep into every room in the house and under every piece of furniture. Ugh! My kids have way too much stuff, but it's so hard not to make it BIG for them!

We had an amazing Christmas! Penn woke up on Christmas morning and immediately grabbed for the two ornament-shaped Cokes that Santa brought. He was so excited! Yeah...Santa brought a wagon with a roof and tons of toys too, but the "ball Cokes" stole the show...should have known!

We spent all day traveling at warp speed. From our house to my parents', then to the in-laws, and finally to the Carmon family Christmas (all day in the pouring rain), we had a pretty crazy day, but it reminded me how truly blessed I am for having such a close family. I can't imagine giving up even one of our "engagements."

• Mama

A few days after Christmas, Mama's diverticulitis began acting up again. She's still in the boat for surgery in the next few weeks and we're just hoping that she feels better soon. She'll got from times of feeling pretty normal, to being laid up in the bed. Just hearing her talk, you know how she's feeling. I think she'll feel like a new woman once they get this under wraps. Who knows how long she's been letting this fester!

• New Year

If there's one thing this past year has taught me, it's that you can't get moments back. Through Jude's pregnancy and birth, Cam's deployment, Aunt Connie's death, Pack's promotion, and our transition to Virginia, our family has experienced joy, sadness, excitement, worry, and fear to the extreme this year. 2009 was bittersweet. I am saying goodbye to a decade that (for the most part), made my life what it is. I started dating Pack in 2000, got married in 2005, and babies in 2007 and 2009! Those were my most joyous moments. Then there were the times of sorrow...the death of my last remaining grandparent, the sudden loss of my sweet Aunt, seeing my parents go through their own struggles of health and well-being, and the loss of other family and friends. There is no getting those moments back to experience them one last time (and for some, I am thankful for that), but I am so blessed to have had the moments that remind me just how special family really is!

• Virginia

Speaking of 2009, I was disappointed in not including a MOVE to Virginia to wrap up the decade. Unfortunately, we are still trying to sell our adorable home that I love so much. I can't imagine living anywhere else with my boys, but I know we'll adjust well and it will be so, so nice to have Daddy home all the time again. Hopefully, I'll still be able to stay home with them when we move, but you never know...houses don't come cheap!

• Green Stuff

I'm talking about money...the insufficient amount of it. I have graciously offered to take the finances off Pack hands and make budgeting my responsibility. Maybe a better way to say this would be that I relieved Pack of the burden of my spending (I don't spend on me though!!!). I'm trying to lay out a budget and cook more regularly because I actually think that we can waste less and save more if I quit letting everything in my pantry and fridge go bad! This should also impact our waistlines (I hope, I hope), thus being good for the planet...haha! For the past few months, I've been "priming" myself to get started becoming the best "homemaker" I can be and not having to worry as much about money would be a great start! I know myself well enough to know that jumping in with both feet is never my style...I've always like to dip a toe in gradually and get used to the water. Maybe in another year, I'll be able to report that I'm a regular tree huggin', coupon clippin', penny pinchin', baby-sittin' (ok, SAHM'in) gal!

NOW...seeing as how this is the longest stretch of "alone time" I've had to blog, I better get ready for the GREAT AWAKENING!

Preach it!

"Venting every feeling isn't mature. Learning to deal with uncomfortable and unpleasant feelings is an important aspect of maturity. The pop-psych notion that you have to divulge every unpleasantness or you will have gangrene of the soul and spirit is ultimate nonsense. Learning to endure, transform by perspective or action, and be grateful is the fast lane to a good life. That's right. Having great luck and fortune is not the conduit to loving and enjoyable life; gratitude is." -Dr. Laura Schlessinger

I feel like I owe my husband an apology...yikes!

If Mama Ain't Happy...

I think that most people who know my mom would describe her as "tough as nails." This is by far one of her most stubborn qualities. I remember when I was little, if she was sick enough to stay home from work, I thought she was dying! Crazy lady! So we knew something was up a few weeks ago when she started letting on that she was having some stomach issues. I kind of didn't think a lot of it because she seems to have some food sensitivities sometimes and we let it get by for a few weeks without addressing it too much. Finally, she started having fever, chills, and a sensitive stomach to the touch and we knew something was up. Karen and I nagged her to death to go to Urgent Care about it (she hasn't seen a doctor for a check-up since she donated a kidney over a decade ago). They saw her and diagosed her with "diverticulitis" and put her on some antibiotics. When I asked her if she wished she had gone earlier, she responded, "Well, I suffered with hives for two years before going to a doctor and I had already diagnosed myself with this anyway!" She still wouldn't concede that she had let it get out of hand!

After a week or more on antibiotics, we thought she was on the mend. Unfortunately, the symptoms returned and we pressured her some more to go see another doctor. She made an appointment for yesterday afternoon, took a half day of work, and FINALLY went to see "her" doctor. He sent her for a CT scan at the hospital and told her that if everything looked okay, he would send her home with some meds and make a follow-up appointment. After the CT scan, she waited around for quite a while until she told the nurses that she was going home and they could call her with the results because she had to be at work in 10 hours! At this point, the nurses knew that the doctor would be less than happy if they let her go home because they could see something was up. They told her to wait and shortly after, they told her she would be admitted.

She finally got into a room at about 11 last night, but didn't actually see or speak to a doctor until this morning. The verdict was that she has an abscess on her intestines and possibly a hole in addition to the diverticulitis. The doctor was shocked, he said, because she wasn't yelling in pain when her stomach was touched and she was able to work and go about her regular activities. That's mom for you...tough to a fault!

Anyway, I just went to see her and she looked as normal as she's looked at home for the past few weeks and still maintaining that she's not really in any pain...WHATEVER! I firmly believe that if they had let her go home last night, she would have gone to work today, even if she had known the diagnosis. I'm so thankful that they decided to keep her. I just wanted to keep everybody updated and for those of you that are praying...THANK YOU and KEEP IT UP!

Found this...loved it!

A Child's Ten Commandments to Parents

By Dr. Kevin Leman, from his book First-Time Mom, published by Tyndale.

• 1. My hands are small; please don't expect perfection whenever I make a bed, draw a picture or throw a ball. My legs are short; please slow down so that I can keep up with you.
• 2. My eyes have not seen the world as yours have; please let me explore safely: don't restrict me unnecessarily.
• 3. Housework will always be there. I'm only little for such a short time - please take time to explain things to me about this wonderful world, and do so willingly.
• 4. My feelings are tender; please be sensitive to my needs; don't nag me all day long. (You wouldn't want to be nagged for your inquisitiveness.) Treat me as you would like to be treated.
• 5. I am a special gift from God; please treasure me, holding me accountable for my actions, giving me guidelines to live by and disciplining me in a loving manner.
• 6. I need your encouragement, but not your praise, to grow. Please go easy on the criticism; remember, you can criticize the things I do without criticizing me.
• 7. Please give me the freedom to make decisions concerning myself. Permit me to fail, so that I can learn from my mistakes. Then someday I'll be prepared to make the kind of decisions life requires of me.
• 8. Please don't do things over for me. Somehow that makes me feel that my efforts didn't quite measure up to your expectations. I know it's hard, but please don't try to compare me with my brother or my sister.
• 9. Please don't be afraid to leave for a weekend together. Kids need vacations from parents, just as parents need vacations from kids. Besides, it's a great way to show us kids that your marriage is very special.
• 10. Please take me to Sunday school and church regularly, setting a good example for me to follow. I enjoy learning more about God.

The Sound of Silence...

Since Pack's out of town so much, "Mommy time" has really been lacking lately. So much, in fact, that I have actually been looking forward to my dentist appointment today because that means going out in public sans tots! I called Mrs. G. last week (the most awesome babysitter in the universe) and lined her up to keep both the boys for me during my appointment, which is around two in the afternoon. She, very graciously, offered to meet me at the library this morning and let the boys ride home with her after Story Time (which today, by the way, reminded me a little of what my worst nightmare might be like), saving me from having to drive all the way out to Coward and back, and giving me a few lonely (not in a bad way) hours to play with. Boy, did I need it! I shopped at a bookstore, swung by Starbucks, and headed home to eat my lunch without having to balance Jude on one knee and my lunch on the other, or keeping Penn from feeding all of his lunch to our dog. I felt like I was at a spa eating my chicken patty between bread (okay, maybe not a spa, but definitely a relaxing place). So now I'm waiting for my appointment time, reflecting on this most welcome blessing of relaxation time. Mrs. G may never read this to really understand the depths of my thanks, but I'll make sure to tell her..."Thanks a million...interested in moving to Virginia???"

Selling Houses Stinks!!!

Pack and I are going crazy. We kind feel like we're in real estate Limbo. We have found several house/neighborhoods in Richmond/Chesterfield that we really like a lot, but we can't take any action because our house in Florence is still for sale. Any bites? Yes, a few "nibbles." Basically, we haven't had any serious lookers and we're starting to get really frustrated with this whole process. Pack has officially started his new job in VA and he's traveling there during the week, which puts me home alone with the kids. And let me make it clear that I am not cut out for single parenting...NOT FOR ME! I can't wait to have my family under one roof again!

Now that we've got that rant out of the way, let's move on from things we can't change...

Jude is getting SO BIG! I can't believe how much he's grown and he's catching on. He's waving and kissing and I'm enjoying his baby days sooo much! I remember with Penn being so excited and eager for him to crawl, walk, eat solids, you know...milestones, that I really didn't get to enjoy his baby-hood the way I'm trying to with Jude. I try to hold him a lot because I know he doesn't get held quite as much as Penn did (consequence of being the second child, I guess). Anyway, one day, I set him down on the rug and he flipped right over onto his belly, tucked his legs under his body, and started rocking back and forth on his chubby little thighs! He might have been doing that for a while, but Mommy didn't notice because I was too busy trying to keep him as my baby forever! Can I freeze frame him right here??? Even as young as Penn is, I miss the downy soft hair, non-smelly feet and breath, completely unscarred, unblemished skin, gummy grins...I could just eat him!!!

On the other hand, the starting solids phase has been a little rocky for us. I started letting him taste baby food at 4 months (just as I did with Penn). I was kind of hoping it would help him sleep better at night, but he didn't take to it well, so I waited a week and tried again. No luck. We did this little dance off and on until he was about five months, at which time, I started feeding him more regularly. Now he's six months old, and is just getting past apple sauce and rice cereal. I am constantly reminded of how different every baby is, but it's so hard not to compare.

I've also been having some anxiety over my breastfeeding experience. I started working as a long-term sub for a co-worker at DLC (just for six weeks, approximately), and I had built of up a nice little stash of frozen breastmilk that I had pumped off and on since Jude was a couple of months old. Well, my little monster tore through that "nice little stash" in a little over a week and even with me pumping twice during the workday (and it isn't easy to get out of my classroom and find a private spot for 15 minutes twice a day), I wasn't keeping up! At one point, I had to start pumping FOUR TIMES A DAY! I cannot even begin to express how much I hate pumping, so this only lasted three or four days before I came up with my solution. I still pump at work, but usually only once or maybe twice, and I'm sending formula to the babysitter to feed him when he drinks all his milk. This ends up being the equivalent to about six ounces of formula a day, but I feel like I'm digging myself a hole. I'm planning on nursing full time, once I'm home again in another couple of weeks, but I'm concerned that I might lose some of my supply. I'm hoping that just as my body adjusted to different feeding shedules with Penn, I'll also adjust flawlessly with Jude too (I know...comparing again!), but we'll have to see.

Now for my sweet Penn...oh how I love him! He's still as rotten as ever, and sometimes we see a little bully creep out of his personality, but this kid always amazes us! Just last week, we discovered he could count backwards from 1o and he knew his left from his right! Let me take this time to say he's got the best babysitter in the world who always reads to him, teaches him about nature, and has the most fun house ever! He always makes us laugh too! I think the phrase, "Kids say the darndest things," was written for our little Penn. He's addicted to bouncy balls, carries around a red cooler filled with balls and other toys, and loves to snuggle with his mommy and watch "Ant Bully."

I could go on for days about my sweet babies. I never imagined I could love two little people like this. A taste of God's love for us. I would give my life for these two precious boys and I can't wait to get to know them more.