Things I Already Forgot (about newborns)

• Breastfeeding makes you extremely hungry, thirsty, and sleepy...all at the same time.  I forget about this until I've got my newborn good and latched on and then realize I forgot to grab a snack or drink.
• Speaking of hungry...breastfeeding "hunger" is much more intense than pregnancy "hunger."
• It's fun to play dress-up with a new baby...they look cute in everything.  It is not much fun for the baby...she hates it.
• Nothing stimulates baby's bladder and bowels like a clean diaper.  Nothing.
• Babies are little, but their cries are not.  In the middle of the night, it is the loudest sound imaginable!
• Spit-up happens (always on a cute outfit or on my side of the bed).
• Apparently, Packard babies always look alike...boy or girl (see evidence below):

  

  Exhibit A (Penn)

  

  Exhibit B (Jude)

  

  Exhibit C (Anna)

  Thank you and goodnight:)

Celebrating 9 months...with pictures!

Thanks to a special new friend who planted the seed about taking these pictures for me.  Although I was hesitant, nervous, and overall not the best subject to photograph, she left me with a handful of pictures that I will always treasure because they remind me what a miraculous and special gift a new baby is.  I can't stop looking at these...that belly is WILD!

Our Bargain Baby!

As I've mentioned before, this pregnancy was a surprise more than either of my other pregnancies.  Although we wanted another baby, our "plan" was to wait until next year (2012) to really make an effort.  One of my concerns early on in this pregnancy was how we would afford to get "baby things" during the most expensive time of the year (I've never had a winter baby before).  We set a limit of $500 to buy everything for the baby, including a crib, dresser, and carseat, but I had my doubts knowing how expensive these things can be and also knowing that we would need to buy more than just these three things (like clothes and diapers).  Even though this was our third child, almost all of our "required" baby gear was still being used by Penn and Jude, had been sold, or given away.  We were starting pretty much from scratch and I was stressed about it.

One day, I realized that all the things this baby would "need," were things we already had (mommy's milk, a safe home, and a loving family).  Everything else would just be considered extra.  I prayed for God to provide us with some of these "extras" and He absolutely did!  Every time I look at Anna's completed room, I am so thankful for the way God  has shown his love for us.  Sometimes, I think we feel guilty for asking God for things we consider to be "frivolous," but we forget that He is the "God of all Comfort," and "The God who Provides!"  As I said in this post, God cares about the little things too...the extras.

In this post, I would like to share with you some of the things that He provided us with, once we let him do his thing... (Side note:  Isn't it amazing how smoothly things go when we stop trying to control everything???)

Changing Table-$30
Pack bought this from a State Sale while he was traveling with work.

Crib and Mattress-$150
IKEA...we couldn't find a used one in good shape for this price!

Dresser-$20
Happened upon this at a yard sale and repainted it.

Rocking Chair-Free!
My Mother's Day present two years ago that I FINALLY repainted and found a home for:)

The rest of the pictures are things we bought from Craigslist...our favorite resource!

Moses Basket-$30

Carseat (new with tags and no recalls)-$35

Cloth diapers (over 80)-$220

The total amount we spent to furnish the nursery was $485 (under budget!!!) AND  we have the added bonus of not needing to add disposable diapers to our shopping list when Anna arrives!  Cloth diapers are a little more work, but every time I wash these diapers, I'll be thinking of how much money we're saving by not having to buy disposables.  $220 is a great price for diapers for one child that will last from birth until potty training!  I've also had a shower given by family where I got a bunch of cute clothes and accessories, bought some clothes on consignment, and received some way-cute hand-me-downs from Anna's cousin, Carmon!  We're set!

Good news/Not so good news...

I had my 32 week check-up this morning (although I'll be 33 weeks tomorrow...oh well) and everything went smoothly.  I'm feeling great, baby is growing and in position, and I got to hear that sweet heartbeat.  I was mostly excited about the fact (or the FLUKE) that I only gained 2 oz. in the past two weeks.  I'm sure the doctor didn't mean that I should leave his office and go to Dunkin Donuts to indulge in a creme-filled donut, a pumpkin muffin, and a sausage, egg, and cheese croissant, but he didn't specify, so I just assumed it was okay...  I'm pretty thrilled that I'll probably finish this pregnancy just a little lighter than my end weights with Penn or Jude.

That was the good news.

The not so good news (not really bad...just disappointing, I guess) was when I started asking questions about what being Group B Strep-positive would mean for my upcoming labor and delivery.  I had pretty quick labors with both of the boys (even with inductions, which is fairly unusual) and chances are that I'll have another quick one with this little girl.  The concerning part is that if I end up at 39 weeks being 4 cm dilated, but not going into labor, odds are I'll end up having another induction so they can make sure I have antibiotics in my system for delivery.  I REALLY, REALLY want to avoid an induction for a lot of reasons, but that being said, I want to make sure my baby gets the dose of antibiotics that she needs to protect her.  From researching, I know that the risk is small that there would be anything that would go wrong even if we didn't get it, but in this situation (even if it is a precaution more than a necessity), I feel that the risks outweigh the benefits of foregoing the antibiotics, so I will be getting them.  On a more positive note, my doctor informed me that generally, a fast labor puts women at lower risks for passing an infection on to their babies, so that actually works in my favor and will give me peace of mind if I actually DO go into labor on my own this time.

Basically, if I start dilating early (as I usually do), then at 37 weeks, all systems are go for plan "Baby Makes Five."  This pregnant lady is going to do a lot of walking, eating pineapple, getting foot rubs, and doing "anything else" (wink, wink) that safely and naturally induces labor;).  Please pray that the rest of this pregnancy is uneventful and that labor happens on it's own, as this something I really feel would be best for me and baby.  The middle of January can't come too soon for me!

One of these things is not like the others...

From the very early stages of this pregnancy, I have said that it was "different."  Originally, "different" meant "miserable," but over the course of the last few months, it's becoming less miserable and just more....ummm..."different." 

Here are a few of the differences I've noticed in all of my pregnancies:

Morning Sickness:  With this pregnancy, I've actually gotten sick less than either of the others, but during the first 10-12 weeks, I felt sick 24-7.  I drank and ate ginger snacks and drinks, I tried accupressure bands, I stopped cooking (or even walking in my kitchen) and I had to stop using almost all of my "natural" home cleaning products because I couldn't stand the smell of vinegar and tea tree oil.  I think Pack thought I was in the early stages of death since I wouldn't get off the couch to do anything.  It was a tough couple of months.

Heartburn:  Whoa...honestly, I didn't even know what heartburn really felt like before this pregnancy.  Yuck. Gross. Gag.  I'll be glad when my digestive system stops revolting.

Swelling:  There hasn't been any.  Well, I do have some swelling after I'm on my feet all day and after traveling, but nothing compared to the multiple liters of fluid that were in my legs and feet during my pregnancies with Penn and Jude.  My leg/foot swelling was actually pretty legendary at my former workplace and are "fondly" remembered as my "telephone poles" (thanks, Pack).

Weight Gain:  After all the fast food I consumed during my first trimester, I'm still shocked it hasn't been more out of hand.  The way things are looking, I will weigh about 10 pounds less this pregnancy than at the end of my pregnancies with Penn and Jude (where I ended up tipping the scales at +50lbs and +30lbs higher than my start weight with each child respectively).  I'm not done yet, so I hate to make any premature judgments on this, but with every doctor's appointment, I'm shocked I haven't gained more, although my belly definitely looks "bellier!"  So far, I've gained 15 pounds...I'm cool with that!

Baby Movement:  Most active baby yet (in utero, at least).  I've never had one keep me up at night moving, so this makes me really nervous about the little personality to follow...

How I Feel:  Overall...less anxious, more impatient.  I have decided that this baby will definitely be born as naturally as possible (i.e., no epidural or induction), so there is some nervousness that comes with this decision, but overall, I know I can birth a baby and I think the birth process will be much more enjoyable if it happens the way it was designed to.  I do feel that I'm having to educate myself from scratch on the labor and birth process, but I'm learning a ton and looking forward to putting all my new knowledge into practice.  I'm so ready to do this.

Getting Prepared:  The baby's room has been completed for a month now.  Unprecedented.  Yeah...we could use a second coat of paint on the walls and a few pieces of art, but so long as she has clean sheets to sleep on and a few diapers lying around, I feel prepared.

Big Difference:  IT'S A GIRL!  I still am not 100% sold on this (which is why the nursery is painted blue with girly fabrics (easy to change if we're wrong), but I think this is the main reason this pregnancy has been so different.  I will not be suffering any gender disappointment if "Anna" turns out to be a "Silas (my choice for boy's name)," but I have had fun shopping in the "pink" department in the meantime:)

And just for comparison, here are a few pictures taken from each of my pregnancies...

8 Months with Penn (round all over)!

9 Months with Jude...whoa!

8 Months with Anna...hanging in there!

 

On cloth diapering...

I've almost hit the 30-week mark in this pregnancy and I'm starting to try to wrap my head around all the practical preparations that I'll need to make before little Anna makes her arrival.  The nursery is baby-ready and we've gotten a sweet little Moses Basket all ready for her to lay her sweet little head in.  I've gotten a lot wiser by this third go-round.  I'm not so focused on making sure I've got a baby bath (which I never used with Penn or Jude anyway), or a high chair (which we won't be needing for quite some time), or things like that.  But, what I am realizing that I don't have, but will need is diapers...and a lot of them!

Penn and Jude were both diapered in the modern-traditional way...disposables...and aside from cringing from the amount of money we spent buying pack after pack, I didn't really consider anything else.  Then, when Jude was 17 months old (or so...I can't exactly remember), I made the switch to cloth diapering 24-7.  We used gDiapers (not the most economical choice for cloth diapering, but I was able to score all of my diapers used  on Craigslist and only spent less than $200 for all of my supplies (covers, liners, cloth inserts, and detergent) to last me until he was potty trained (which, as it turns out happened about three months later)...AND they are still in great shape to use again when Anna is big enough!  We were really happy with the choice and I was shocked at how simple cloth diapering really was and how nice it was to not have to worry about ever running out of diapers.  I was so excited about them, I even wrote a review here on the blog! 

So anyway...Baby #3 is on the way and I haven't considered that I would do anything else besides cloth diaper this little girl.  But since I've never cloth diapered a newborn before, I need a little advice from some veterans...

• Do I need to buy "newborn" cloth diapers or will "smalls" be sufficient assuming I have another 8lb baby?
• How many diapers will I need to have on hand?
• Are there any "issues" with cloth diapering a newborn that I should be prepared for?
• Considering that I'll probably have some disposables that I received as gifts, would it be too rough on a newborn's skin to switch back and forth (I only ask because I had problems with Jude's little hiney breaking out whenever I switched back and forth)?
• Finally, since one of the huge factors in me cloth diapering is the "frugal" quality, what are your best tips for scoring great deals on cloth diapers?  I've had good luck on Craigslist for gDiapers, but I'd be interested in some other sources as well.  They don't have to be super cute or girly...but I do want them work well.
• Is there anything I'm missing???

Permission granted...

By writing a publishing this post, I hereby give myself permission to:

• Forget about how much weight I gain or how big my belly will get.  The scale WILL go up and my belly WILL get big...really big.  It's okay.  I won't be pregnant forever.
• Feel entitled to get special treatment because I'm pregnant (or a mom, or a woman, or a human...whichever excuse works to get a foot/back rub).  I'm not above groveling.  This can also apply to other situations designed to make life easier for a pregnant woman (i. e., I am going to start looking for the "expectant mothers" parking spaces.)
• Shop in the girls' department without having to retrace my steps back to the boys department to get Penn and Jude something.  They have lots.  Anna...not so much.
• Ask for help.  With chores.  Or watching the boys.  Or getting me off the couch (it's hard work these days...).  Just ask.
• Just say no, sometimes.  To laundry.  To taking Penn and Jude somewhere every. single. day.  To getting off the couch (I said, "sometimes," not forever.).

Basically, my goal in the this third trimester is to loosen up and resist the urge to stress over those things I normally stress about.  Being pregnant is amazing (even the third time) and I want to be able to enjoy these last few weeks before Baby Girl makes her grand debut.  Because then, I figure, she'll be the one granting permission.

Reassurance.

Today I got some annoying news.  My doctor's office called to let me know that my glucose tolerance test came back "high," which meant I failed Part I of the gestational diabetes test and I need to come back and take the three hour version...hooray.  And, OH YEAH, my hemoglobin/hematocrit levels were low, so I need to start an iron regimen to combat my anemia.

I won't lie...I cried about it.  At the risk of sounding whiny, I had a horrible headache all day after I took the one hour test for GD and iron pills notoriously destroy my stomach and make me feel miserable.  The thought of having to do either of these things made me want to throw up, but that being said, I just wanted to get it over with right away.  Unfortunately, that was not to be either, so it looks like I'll have to dread it for another week or so.

Now, I know I was a little over-dramatic to cry about it.  After all, I failed the one hour test with Penn and passed (just barely) the three hour test.  And then with Jude, I passed the one hour test, but ended up being placed on the GD diet anyway later in my pregnancy, so I really shouldn't have been surprised.  Not to mention, I'm on iron pills at least once every year.  Crazy hormones...

So, I ended up feeling pretty annoyed for the rest of the day and was not looking forward to going to my class for Experiencing God tonight.  As a matter of fact, when I realized that I would have to leave our house without eating supper in order to make it on time, I almost decided that it wouldn't hurt me to stay home one night, but finally I decided that for some reason, I just wanted to go.

So I went.  I was hungry and had to use the restroom mega-bad, but had no extra time to satisfy my appetite or my bladder.  I shuffled into my chair and found a stack (or smiley face shaped assortment) of little candies sitting at my seat as if someone knew I might need a little chocolate to tide me over until I got the chance to eat my supper.  Then, as I got a little more settled, one of my classmates, who I haven't even met personally, walked over to me with two of the cutest little flower pops made from baby spoons and baby washcloths.  She said she wanted to give them to me for my baby on the way.  Such a small token that meant a lot to me.

Aren't they cute?  I'm totally stealing this idea...

After a long, emotionally exhausting day, she reminded me that I was where I needed to be.  And I am so glad I didn't miss it.  So, to this nice lady (who's name I forgot to ask...I know...so slack), thank you for going out of your way to do something nice for someone you didn't even know.  You could have never known what a big impact that little gesture would make:)

Three.

My joy :)

I was reading the other day about a friend that just found out she's expecting her third baby (Congrats again, Chelsea!) and I was thinking to myself, "Wow...I can't believe she's going to have three children!"  Then I thought again and said to myself, "Whoa...wait a minute...I'M GOING TO HAVE THREE CHILDREN!"

It's amazing that I forget sometimes that this belly is going to someday turn into a baby, but I do.  The fact is, it never seems real until you bring that empty belly and lump of a baby home from the hospital.  There's no getting prepared for children.  You can prepare your house, but you can never really be prepared for how YOUR little baby is going to change your life. 

The funny thing is, even though I know that and even though I know how much crazier life can be with each additional child...I can't say three is it for me (and if Pack is reading this, he's probably cringing right now).  I just don't know how I can ever say that I'm done and I am a little jealous of the people I know who can "commit" to being DONE.  Very simply, I'm in love with the craziness of this life that we have been given and my children truly feel like a gift...how could I turn down more?

Are the pregnancy hormones making me crazy or what???

Top This...

A good night's sleep.

Seriously.  Those have been few and far between lately.  Between my growing belly, my shrinking bladder, and an injured shoulder on my right side, I have not been able to get comfortable at night lately.  I'm fine sleeping on my left side...for a while.  But then, I need to turn.  And there's nowhere to go.  And it stinks.

Then there's my boys.  Penn rarely has ever slept through the night and usually comes in our room at least once only to be sent back to his room.  This usually wakes Jude up who is not so easily directed back to he bed, so he ends up snuggling with us for a while, which brings Penn back in the room because "that's not fair," and so forth.  We sleep in a queen bed (although we REALLY REALLY want a king asap) and the problem is clear as to why four-across is not comfortable.  Add into the mix that Jude INSISTS on sleeping on my right arm (hence the shoulder injury...thanks, kiddo), and I usually wake up into one grumpy mama!

But last night...I slept.  No one woke me up in the middle of the night, my shoulder did not feel as if it was on fire when I laid on it, and I didn't have to go to the bathroom not even once!  Heaven for this tired gal!  I realize that tonight maybe just the opposite, but I am so thankful for one night of peaceful slumber...and these days, you can't top that!

Baby name...CHECK!

I still can't believe it...

Penn (a.k.a.. Daniel Packard V) never had a "girl name."  We knew our first boy would be a namesake for Pack and we'd come up with a nickname, but amazingly, we never discussed girl names at all.  With Jude, after much deliberation, we had his "girl name" all picked out (although we never put a lot of thought into boy names until after we found out his gender).  His girl name would have been Riley Kay.  Fortunately, he ended up being a little boy, so we got to have a little fun with his name and choose something that meant something to us (Jude=a Biblical name with a good song and sounded good with Penn, and Tillman=for Tillman Hall at Clemson University where Pack graduated).  It all worked out because after a while, I decided I didn't really like the name Riley anyway.  It bothered me that Penn had a name with such great family heritage from both sides of our family and the next baby would have had a name that we just liked.  I wanted the name to have a story (and preferably a really good song).  For the record, I don't think there's anything wrong with choosing a name for your children that you simply like the sound of, but I wanted an equal amount of thought and sentiment to go into each of my children's names.  

And BOY did a lot of thought (and arguments and maybe a few tears) go into this one...

Anna Hazel

I had been thinking of the name Anna Hazel since after Jude was born.  Ann is a name that has been used in a lot of girl names in my family (my former middle name was DiANNe, as a matter of fact).  My mom's sister Ann is the eldest of eight children in her family, and although she has no children of her own, she has been like a mom to all of her nieces and nephews.  I've always wanted to be able to honor her by including her name in a little girl's name (if I ever had one).  My Aunt Ann is definitely the female leader in our family and is the best planner/hostess/baby holder you will ever meet.  Anna is going to adore her.

Hazel was my Grandmother on my Dad's side of the family.  She, along with her twin sister, Hallie, kept my twin sister and I from the time we were born until we were able to stay home by ourselves.  They taught us so, so much, and left us with a ton of awesome memories, but I'm always wishing we had paid attention even more.  We spent our time with them serving others, picking whatever vegetables or other foods were in season (WHEREVER they were in season), making crafts and home goods, and visiting relatives that I would probably have never know otherwise.  They definitely had a huge influence on the woman that I am now and I see a lot of both of them in me more and more every day.

The name for my new baby girl may seem ordinary or old fashioned to some, but the women that the name represents were and are truly extraordinary and I can't wait until the day when she understands where her name came from.  I know she'll be proud of it!

Little Kicks...

So, this is how I imagine Little Bean in my belly (sans the over-permed hair and the bad outfit).  I'm still amazed that I can already feel this baby move!  I'm 15 weeks (just this Tuesday) and last night I felt him (or her) moving so strongly that it startled me.  Those little one or two inch legs are pretty powerful.  I actually was able to feel the kicks with my hand and see them a bit.  If I hadn't made Pack check it out, I would have thought it was in my imagination, but he felt it too and it (of course) freaked him out.  Something about there being a living, growing baby inside another person's body fascinates him and terrifies him all at the same time.  It's pretty funny.

This is where my pregnancies become so real to me.  I start daydreaming more and more about holding that sweet baby in my arms.  I'm so excited.  It will be another month before I find out what we're having, but I really haven't been thinking about that as much lately.  I think most people assume that I'm dying for a girl (and I'd be lying if I said I don't drool over little newborn baby girl clothes), but like I've told some friends recently, "How could I not want another boy after the two sweet, cutie-pies that I've already got?"  Seriously.  These boys are my heart and as much as would like to think I'd be a great Mama to a little girl, I KNOW I was meant to bring up boys.  What a messy/busy/active/loud JOY they are.  I'm so thankful.

I'm also getting back into my pregnancy groove (thank you second trimester!).  I've got more energy, the worst symptoms are practically gone, and I'm looking more and more like a pregnant lady.  As much as my first trimester tried to convince me that this baby was going to be "it," I'm starting to dig being pregnant again.  And if I completely ignore the scale (and the fact that Penn and Jude keep telling me that the baby feels "squishy"), I feel pretty awesome.

So here's to the remaining 25 (or so) weeks.  I'm finally up for the challenge:)

Hellloooo Second Trimester!

I can't tell you how long I've been waiting to say those words.  Let's face it...this baby has made me pretty miserable these first 12 weeks, but it looks like the tides are turning!  I started feeling a little more human about a week ago, but then we had a very busy weekend of LOTS of traveling and late nights.  Needless to say, it took me a while to recover.  I'm proud to say I've been Phenergan-free for three days now (a big deal, even though I was only taking half a pill before bed each night) and tonight I made my first home-cooked meal in...a long time.  And it's not chicken nuggets or anything frozen either...HA!

Dinner's a big deal because I literally have not been able to stomach the thought of cooking for a huge percentage of this pregnancy.  Honestly, I don't even like to grocery shop and I normally LOVE to shop here!  But today I made a decision to subscribe to a meal planning program that will make my shopping trips less stressful and I don't have to think ahead as much (because, as we all know, thinking and pregnancy do not go well together).  It's a highly-recommended site and it only costs me $1.25 per week (paid every three months).  It's a price I'm happy to pay to be able to provide healthy meals for my family again.  If you aren't organized or motivated (ME!  ME!) enough to plan your own meals right now, definitely check out E-Mealz.com.  From what I can tell, the meals are simple and can be customized to a particular diet (low-fat, gluten-free, etc.) or even to what store you shop at (Walmart, Kroger, etc.).  I can't wait to try out some more and get some new meals into our rotation.

In closing, I'll leave you with a picture of our first E-Mealz attempt and my first homeade attempt at much of anything lately.  If you try it, let me know what you think! (By the way, this is obviously a picture of the leftovers...lunch tomorrow-CHECK!)

Chicken and Wild Rice Casserole (not pretty, but yummy and easy on the heartburn)

Where I Am

For me, it doesn't matter how many times I've been through this, I'm always reminded of how precious and fragile a baby is. I'm 10 weeks now and although my morning sickness is not completely gone yet, I'm definitely feeling good more than bad. But I'm painfully aware of how welcome even the bad is for women that are longing for their babies. I'm really trying hard not to focus on my sickness, but to give thanks for each week that passes. This baby is growing and I have the muffin top to prove it;)

My two little big boys though are really...ummmm...teaching me a lot lately about discipline. You can hear me yelling "NO, JUDE!!!!!!!!" all throughout the house lately because little man has either spilled powder all over the bathroom, gotten a stubborn stain on the carpet, dumped the sugar dish in the kitchen, or some done something else that my hormones perceive as a disaster. And a conversations with Penn lately goes something like this:

Me: Penn, please clean up your room.
Penn: Um, no thanks, but thanks for asking.
Me: I wasn't asking, Penn...clean it!
Penn: No...you can do it.

And that's usually as far as I make it before I start losing it...I am not known for my patience. I feel like I've tried all my tricks. I've asked nicely, I've made it a game, I've done time out, I've taken away his costumes (which is huge), I've put him on t.v. and computer restriction, and I've spanked (which doesn't seem to work for us, by the way), but nothing seems to work and I'm exhausted. So if you've got any fresh thoughts on the "Penn refuses to follow directions" situation, I would be most willing to try. I'm pretty desperate.

I do however, LOVE my boys and I know God is using them to help point out a lot of flaws in my own character. Maybe I'm the one that needs to be worked on the most. Well...I guess that's all I've got for now. And Jude just got too quiet, so I should probably check that out...

First Trimester blahs...

Just so you know, I have every intention of this blog turning into a pregnancy blog temporarily.  I'm sure I'll still be putting up family updates and other things every now and then, but now that my "secret" is out, I really just want a place to commiserate with some sympathetic friends.

That being said, here we go...

First and foremost, this pregnancy was a surprise.  We knew we wanted at least one more baby, but our plan was not to try for another baby until the end of the year.  Obviously, God had other plans (YAY!).  I began to suspect I was pregnant or that I was anemic (again) when I started getting really, really sleepy at like 9:30 or 10 in the morning.  I was struggling to get up in the morning and to stay awake if I was still at any point during the day.  Pack went out of town with work and I took the boys with me to the store to buy a pregnancy test and I took it as soon as I got home.  

I smiled.

After the realization set it, I got really nervous about telling Pack.  Should I wait until he got home to tell him, call him immediately, or wait and send him a picture (that picture) later?  I opted to send the picture.  That may sound tacky, but here's why...  When I found out I was pregnant with Penn and Jude, Pack (God love him) had a less than desirable reaction, in my opinion.  He had to lay down after he found out about Penn and with Jude, he didn't really say much, but went to work.  He was fine later and made me feel much better, but I guess that's the way things have to sink in for him.  He needs a little time...it shocks him every time.  So, having learned the hard way, I texted him the picture and he called to verify what it was.  I could tell he was going through his "thing" so I told him that he could react however he wanted and then react the way I wanted him to when he got home the next day (aren't I a good wife???).  It worked beautifully.  I was greeted with a warm hug and the excitement my heart needed as soon as he walked in the door.

His plan was to wait to tell everyone until Fathers' Day weekend, which was four weeks away at that point.  I didn't really like that plan, especially since I had already told two people (like I said, I'm not good at secrets...).  But as the first trimester started wearing on me, I wanted to let people know what was up. 

Mainly, I wanted to be able to complain to someone because I. felt. like. crap.  I was managing the the fatigue, cramps, headaches, backaches, bloating, moodiness, and all that fun stuff.  But this week, the morning sickness hit me like a truck.  Within two days, I knew this was not what I had been through with Penn and Jude.  I can barely be in a vertical position for more than a few minutes without feeling nauseous.  And to make things worse, I can't actually get sick to relieve the feeling at all.  It's just nauseousness all day.  I'll get a craving for something and then by the time I can get it, the thought of eating (or smelling) it disgusts me.  At this point, I can't even open my refrigerator.  Poor Penn and Jude. Lots of take-out and T.V. for us lately. 

Needless to say, this has been a LONG week!  I'm hoping my body adjusts and things level out so that I can get some relief.  I want to be able to cook for my family again at some point.  At least my boys are treating me well.  They are trying their hardest to take care of me and not cause too much trouble (although messes seem to follow Jude around).  And my sweet husband is being awesome...picking up some of my slack by preparing meals, watching the boys, or folding laundry, and showing the perfect amount of sympathy for me.  I love him.

Hopefully, my next post won't be such a pity party, but I gotta be real.  And my new mantra?  "This too shall pass."

The Secret's Out!