I'm fine today, but two days ago at this time I was literally in tears. Tomorrow I might be blissfully happy. Who knows these days??? This house selling/house buying process all at the same time is turning me into an emotional wreck. I'm nervous, anxious, excited, and everything in between.
I cannot bear the thought of leaving the house I brought my children home to. I mean, when I think of the sweet life we had here at this house, I will always remember that this is the place where Penn and Jude spent their baby days. Leaving our home is kind of like having to accept some strange rite of passage into another chapter of the book of our lives where are children actually grow up. So sad.
I'll always remember how I swept the kitchen floor in the hours before we went to the hospital to be induced with Penn. We celebrated the first year of his life in our backyard. How we sat in our bedroom the day I found out Penn was going to be a brother. I'll never forget the sound of Penn's feet running down the wood floors in the hallway in the middle of the night, trying to get oriented enough to find our room. Or how both boys would stand at the front door and watch their daddy get home from being gone a week.
That last thought makes me so glad. I am so grateful to be able to be with my husband again and not have to plan our lives around when he will be "in town." I want him to help me put them to bed at night, turn out the lights, and make sure the house is safe and secure. I want to grow into this new house, which we love. I want to live like a family again.
So, I realize that I'm sounding a little over-dramatic...whatever. I know people move every day, but that doesn't make it any easier for me. My hope is that when we actually get into the process of moving, I'll forget about all the sentiments and just be distracted by the task at hand, For now, I am left alone with my thoughts, which are bouncing around like a ping-pong game in my brain.
Any thoughts to help me cope?